


Accord Manqué

by Fjeril



Series: Fjeril Fictober 2018 [6]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ritsu getting angry over nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-26 01:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16209374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fjeril/pseuds/Fjeril
Summary: Ritsu wonders if it wouldn't be better to end it all





	Accord Manqué

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 of my Fictober challenge: “I heard enough, this ends now.”  
> Insert usual it's my first time writing them blah blah, except it's not actually my first time writing them... But I'll get to that eventually, just not right now ~   
> Anyway I'm still publishing those two for the first time so I'll take any advice on writing them!

He didn't like to fight. He hated these moments, when they hearts seemed to disconnect and they shouted words that shouldn't exist at each other. He hated it when he was so angry he couldn't speak to Mao for days, sometimes even _weeks_. So, when he had learnt it was something normal, he felt bad for a while. Why would people that loved each other fight? He had refused to talk to Mao for a while after learning that, unable to express his feelings aabout it. And, as expected, the other one hadn't understood.

Thus, they were fighting again.

It was too much for him already, and his head hurt. He just wanted to sleep peacefully against Mao's thigh, not having to worry about anything else than how long he got to sleep until the sun set; yet he was there, feeling the darkness envelop him again, shouting words he didn't even understand. He feared that at some point, Mao would snap at him and just give it all up, yet he just couldn't stop - maybe they just both couldn't stop.

"Why do we always have to do that?!" Mao was shouting, each one of his words being a new hole in Ritsu's heart.

"That's exactly what I'm wondering," he replied coldly, "Maybe it just means we're trying too hard."

Maybe they just didn't love each other enough, or maybe he loved Mao too much, he wasn't too sure. But he was tired to feel his heart break a bit more every single time they fought. Of course, his boyfriend didn't feel better; at least, that was what he said. But right now, Ritsu wasn't sure of anything anymore, except that he wanted to fall into a slumber so deep it would make him forget about everything.

"Trying too hard?! Ritsu, are you even _serious_? Don't you mean that you're not even trying hard enough, when you spend half your days rummaging your thoughts and then get angry with me for reasons you don't even make clear?!"

And there it was again. The growing distance between them, the lack of mutual understanding. Really, he was tired of it all. Ritsu hated when things were complicated; he was sure that everything could, and should be way more simple than they were, right now. He, who was Knight's strategist, just didn't know how to make it simple. His head hurt, and he was even more tired than he was supposed to be. Than he had ever been.

"I heard enough," he sighed, "this ends now."

Without saying anymore, he turned on his heels and left the garden terrace. He could hear Mao call after him, but forced himself to ignore his calls. If he stayed, things would only turn even worse, when the current situation already was too much for him. When a hand caught his shoulder, he hesitated for a second: Ritsu would lie if he said he didn't appreciate the contact, but he was too tired to keep arguing. Besides, it felt just like another stab in his heart.

"Ritsu, stop," Mao whispered, sounding tired, too, "This won't solve anything."

He disagreed. At least, they wouldn't have to fight anymore, and he wouldn't have to constantly wonder if he was going too far or not, if he was a burden or not, when would Mao have time to make for him after classes. And Mao wouldn't have to take care of him when he was already busy with schoolwork, student council work, and his own unit. That would be better for the both of them, wouldn't it?

"Are you really sure about that? Wouldn't it solve everything on both our sides?" Ritsu spat, already hating himself for saying those words to the one that made his life what it was.

"Ri," Mao's voice was so soft Ritsu could hear his heart flutter, "I don't know if it's what you really want. But if it is, then, I can't do anything, can I? I don't want that. I don't want us to end, Ri. I want us to understand each other better. I want us to fix our problems together and keep walking hand in hand. But we can't if we don't explain our feelings, our trail of thoughts properly to the other. I know that's a difficult process for you, Ritsu. But are you really ready to throw our relationship away because of that?"

Was he? He didn't know. Of course he didn't want their relationship to stop in the first place, for it kept hurting again and again. For he felt like nothing compared to Mao. He, who could only sleep all day and all night long, who was still able to stand on stage but only if the sun wasn't too hard on him, who had to retake a year because he was sleeping, that Ritsu felt like nothing compared to the man that stayed all night at school just so he could finish work he didn't even _have_ to do.

Because of that Ritsu, Mao didn't even have time for himself. And that was a weight he couldn't bear anymore.

"If I weren't there, you would have time to take care of you," he mumbled, "You wouldn't need to spend extra time waking me up, bringing me to school and back home, preventing me from sleeping under the sun. If I weren't there, the weight on your shoulders would be much lighter. Isn't it what you're looking for?" Ritsu asked, his voice sounding like it was about to die.

If the hand didn't leave his shoulder, the silence surrounding him was telling him so much. He lowered his gaze, not even hoping for an answer, ready to go back on his way. Maybe he'd cross path with that brother of his, and would be able to dump all of his anger, frustration and sadness on him. Or, he could actually talk with him, and have his brother spoil him like he loved to do.

_I shouldn't be able to get spoiled so easily,_ he noticed, _Why do people act like this with me...?_

"If you weren't there," Mao finally replied, "I wouldn't even be in this school. I wouldn't have the motivation to do schoolwork and other chores quickly just so I get time to spend with you. I probably wouldn't have found the strength to come back to Trickstar and I wouldn't have had the same life. Ri, I guess you're upset that we fight, but don't we always make up in the end? Haven't we made progress in our relationship precisely _because_ we've fought before?"

Ritsu frowned. Mao _had_ to be right, because Mao was _always_ right. Maybe breaking up wasn't the solution to their problems. Maybe trying to avoid fights wasn't the solution to save their relationship. Still, there was a problem.

"You said it yourself, I don't know how to express my feelings."

While behind him, his boyfriend was sliding his arms around Ritsu's waist, he seemed to be thinking.

"That sure _is_ a point we need to improve," Mao whispered, "Ah, but what about the piano?

\- The piano?"

He was confused. What did the piano have to do with anything?

"When you play the piano, you are able to express your real feelings, aren't you? Songs never sound the same depending on how you feel when playing them."

The piano. A solution so simple he never had thought about it. Why hadn't he ever thought about it? Wait, no, he had thought about it, but never to actually _communicate_. Maybe it could work...

"I see," he confirmed, turning towards Mao, "The piano it is, then."

The red head smiled, finally letting himself relax.

"Maa," Ritsu called, and the name tasted sweet again.

"Ri," the other one called back.

"Thank you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ♥ I'm sorry if the ending felt a little rushed, at this point it was about to turn like the last time I tried to write an OS about them, which ended in a still in progress chaptered fic, oops.  
> And always thank you for your reactions on my work, it motivates me a lot to go on in this challenge ♥


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